apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
