My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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