Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
