his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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