i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This is my gift to your gina
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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