Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize