Non-Jews are for practice
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
