I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
