used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
