Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize