I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think my moral compass just broke
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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