I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
