Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize