New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
