He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
