she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize