Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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