I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It was confusing and full of hummus
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize