doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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