i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
