I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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