I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I FOUND THE LEGS
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
