im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
