wakey wakey hands off snakey
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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