She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize