i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
