just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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