He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
