Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
