I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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