Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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