The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize