I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
