i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
