I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Randomize
