I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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