Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
