well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize
