Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
