so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize