is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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