Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize