Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
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