I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
