I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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