I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
