you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
