Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
