in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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