Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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