What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
