I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
