i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
