Soap is not a condiment
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My feet surprised me
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