Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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