So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
