you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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