Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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