FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
