i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
