i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
