You were right. It hurts to walk today.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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