it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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