We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
