I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
