Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
