HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
