i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
