I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
